Mutually Assured Construction

We have a bargain, at least an unspoken one. I do a certain amount during the day; I put the babies to sleep, with their stirring insistent nuzzles, sweet but exhausting, and she cleans up after dinner. Lately, she has failed to do her part, or do it well, even after I have done extra – cooked the whole meal, done all the laundry. Why should I be petty, keeping score? I am aware I have failings. She is, most likely, very tired after working all day. Surely the path to happiness is flexibility, is non-blame, is an open hand releasing all this trivial bullshit. I know this, some part of me knows this. But, if all I have in my hand is trivial bullshit, if that’s what I’m clinging to, I am not going to let go unless I know for sure she will too. We can stand empty handed, ready for something more, maybe, ready even for connection; if she would just let go, and if I would too.

Mission Statment.

I want to write. To just write with
an ax, my day cleaved together, apart
substantial chunks, messy
to stick with this long enough to write
beyond writing about writing
but also free of finishing or trying to
come to an end product.
I want to get something from my writing
expression, recognition, to fill
others with these feelings of being
alive in this body at this moment
or as close to that as I can come without
magic or miracle.
For a while I felt this ego was a problem, this drive
to get something from writing
but really the problem is trying to get something
finished too soon, without the work, without the creative wandering
just to speed into the center, the heart
and out like a bolt
no risk, no pain, no failure.